Everyone's Watching The Watchmen... Who's Watching This Rubbish?

The Watchmen is a film which will have people talking for years. Stylish, intelligent and brutal, it is a fitting portrayal of one of the great works of literature of the 20th century. I'm still not sure to what extent I actually enjoyed watching it, but I am glad that I did. But anyway, Imdb's full of thoughtful, well-written reviews from the sort of thoughtful, eloquent people who appreciate graphic/comic art, it needs not another one from me. If NOMW is about anything, it's not about that, so instead a quick look at some other superhero adaptations, testament to a time not so long ago when Marvel (and, albeit to a lesser extent, DC) handed over full control of their cherished creations to the mercilessly crude marketing machines of Hollywood, resultant in dud after merchandise tie-in and product placement-laden dud.

Someone's kindly posted a great rundown of 15 of the worst superhero movies of all time, so I won't bother going over that ground here. Suffice to say, I can't take issue with too much of what the guy says, although it does pain me to see the wonderful Helen Slater featuring, and to be honest, I think if anything he's not hard enough on Superman IV: The Quest For Peace. Jon Cryer's Lenny Luthor is Jar Jar Binks' more irritating stepbrother, and it's hard to believe that even Golan and Globus thought that Milton Keynes would be suitable as a double for Manhattan. As with all cinematic shockers, there was a mound of unused footage, so much in fact that the wise old sages at Cannon films even considered reusing it in a fifth installment (good old Cannon), and the DVD commentary of the film is well worth a listen.

While the comic book adaptations of today are well constructed, faithful to the source material (and its often obsessive fanbase) and feature the obligatory big budgets and almost rope-free FX, we should spare a thought to remember those who gave so much in the cause of earlier efforts, for, ultimately, so little. Step forward Jack Kirby-fanatic Gary Goddard, the erstwhile director of 1987's 'Star Wars Of The 80s' Masters Of The Universe who filmed the final sequence with some mates with his own money, after Cannon (yes, again) did a runner despite the film lacking a finale. So too, the cast and crew of the ill-fated movie to end all ill-fated movies, The Fantastic Four, a film which may or may not have never been even intended for release. Not that that stopped them pouring their hearts and souls into the thing. I'm sure, even when faced with the slick package of an Ironman, some fans of the genre would have it no other way.

Talk about a silk purse from a sow's ear. Messyrs Goddard, Conti and the incomparable LaFontaine, take a bow.